Archive for Reluctant Twitterer

Albert reports in

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on October 16, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

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Did I dream it? A recorded message from a snail? When I tried to play it again it had gone. Had I deleted it? Was it ever there in the first place? I can only write down here what I thought I heard

This is a message from Albert the Snail Detective.

You may think it has been a long time since you last caught sight of me

Perhaps you think I have been wasting time

Oh no.

Snails don’t waste time.

It just seems that way.

On no. We use time. We relish it. Our slow progress means we take full advantage of time.

Now, where was I? No humanrushing about from us. That’s what makes us good detectives. We digest the facts. We detect causes and culprits.

That’s how I work. Quietly. Carefully. The foot of snail is a fearsome weapon against bad people. Oh yes. And a snail trail often beats a beeline.

Now, where was I?

Oh yes.

Pertaining to the case of The Reluctant Twitterer.

This is a very tricky case indeed. There are dark forces at play. You are right about that. You are worried that if you speak up and warn people you will be in danger from your enemies. But you also fear what will happen if you do nothing. If you say nothing.

I am following several promising lines on enquiry.

Oh yes.

But following and not being followed if you take my meaning.

I will not be leaving any more messages like this.

But I know how to contact you


It’s an old Snailcraft trick

You won’t find me

But I know how to find you

The message ended. I replayed it. Nothing. Another bit of snailtrickery?

And as I looked out of the window
I saw the faintest of silvery snail trails there.

Following and not being followed

Wasn’t that what Albert had said?

I looked again.
And as I looked
the rain came down
And washed the trail away.

The Mysterious Case of The Reluctant Twitterer

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 12, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

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It has been several months since the first messages began to appear. It now seems time for an update on the mysterious case of the reluctant twitterer

I am that Reluctant Twitterer, although I have no way of convincing anyone of the truth of that statement. Let’s just say that you can assume that this post has been written by the person responsible for the other contributions to this blog.

There are several recurring themes to be found in earlier posts. Many verses refer to current news stories about Twitter. I have said that I do not have a Twitter name, and I do not tweet directly through Twitter the social media site.

Why should someone so interested in Twitter avoid tweeting directly? Wouldn’t that be the best way to tell other people whatever it is you want to say? Maybe. Maybe I will be persuaded to sign-up on Twitter as a result of what happens in the future.

I have chosen what is obviously a less direct approach. Why? Why should someone be so reluctant? I have decided to leave that question for others to work out. In which case, there are deeper meanings to be discovered, and which are concealed in the posts because of my deeper concerns. The verses, the tags, the images, the themes all may have to be studied to arrive at the deeper message. This would explain the strange and apparently unconnected aspects to be found in the posts.

In one, an appeal was made for a detective to help solve an unspcified problem. Following the appeal, posts appeared about detectives, often connected for some reason to children’s nursery rhymes. Indeed, some of the detectives take on the forms of intelligent creatures such as Albert the Snail, and The Little Pink Ant.

Maybe I have no such deep secret which needs to be told. Maybe this is all a game. Or maybe this is a tale told by a twitterer, full of sound and fury but signifying not a lot. You have to decide for yourself if you want to get involved in the mysterious case of the Reluctant Twitterer.

Chicken Licken Flip Flop All Fall Down

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 6, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

Children playing

I was reading that excellent poetry book by Stephen Fry. In it he said anyone can write verse, just for pleasure and fun.

Then I thought about those old nursery rhymes and wondered what a new one would sound like in my head. And this is what came out:

Chicken Licken Flip Flop All Fall Down

Whose lights are out there growing?
Chip chop, chip chop

Chip Chop Chip Chop
Chicken licken flip flop
Chicken licken flip flop
All fall down

What fires are out there glowing?
Chip Chop, Chip Chop

What cries are out there going?
Chip Chop, Chip Chop

Chip Chop Chip Chop
Chicken licken flip flop
Chicken licken flip flop
All fall down

What scythes are out there mowing?
Chip Chop Chip Chop

Chip Chop Chip Chop
Chicken licken flip flop
Chicken licken flip flop


Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on October 3, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

Blarney Stone

History was made in the UK this week when a writ was served via Twitter. Solicitors sought an injunction against the Blaneysblarney Twitter account on the grounds that it was impersonating a celebrity blogger.


Stop the blarney, Barney
There’s a lawyer at the door
He’s got a judge to sign a writ
That says you’ve got to go

Just quit the country, Barney
And settle in another
The lawyer’s got you bang to rights
And blown your Twitter cover

So goodbye Blaneyblarney
No wonder he feels bitter
His Blarney’s bust, his Craic is cracked
Run out of town by Twitter

And now the real Barney
Can sleep secure at night
Contented that Due Process
Has put a wrong to right

Conservatives plan Care Centres for Social Media Addicts: Is this a Joke?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

Brain scan [wikipedia ]

The Reluctant Twitterer has learned that the Conservatives will announce plans at their annual conference in Manchester for treatment centres for people addicted to social media websites

The plans are likely to be seen as a reaction to views expressed recently of the damaging impact of excessive time spent on computers.

Our special correspondent Albert Snell reports that the move is consistent with David Cameron’s efforts to advance the caring conservative agenda. It also counters the Government’s idea of care-centres for young unmarried mothers.

Albert will be providing further exclusives for The Reluctant Twitterer from Manchester throughout the Conference.


Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 1, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

Bee (Bucknell)

Sophie the Lady Detective
is a friend of a friend of a friend
who tells me of Sophie’s adventures
which never come to an end

When Sophie has a problem
she talks to the friend of my friend
who lives in a hive in the garden
and it all comes right in the end

Sophie’s friend who lives in the garden
is the Queen of all the bees.
She can call up her army of workers
in answer to Sophie’s pleas

So I’m going send a message
As soon as I’ve had my tea
to ask if Sophie will ask the queen
To solve a problem for me.

Script Twitters needed for new Hollyhock Movie

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on September 29, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

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The Reluctant Twitterer is being propelled to stardom in a new film out of Hollyhock Universal Studios

Hollyhock Movies are famous for their Little Wild Life series of documentaries. Who can fail to have been moved by their first film, Stag Beatle Boll? Other blockbusters followed, such as Stick Insect Blues, and their recent success, Sheba the Amoeba.

Hollyhock Movies this week announced plans to break into the big-time with a romantic drama with an entirely new cast of characters. Director Laszlo Hilfinger is looking for someone to play the role of Little Pink Ant in the new movie, which has been provisionally named The Reluctant Twitterer.

Hilfinger says he got the basic idea from a poem in The Reluctant Twitterer blog about the little pink ant character, and a snail called Albert, who are both expected to appear in the movie.

Tempter ads are already finding their way on to U-tube.

Hollyhock Movies would like to hear from anyone interested in becoming a script twitter for their new venture. Send your application to this blog as an idea (in no more than 140 characters), suggesting a story-line for The Reluctant Twitterer movie.

Ignorance is Currency

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on September 26, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

Jefferson Memorial
Ignorance is currency
Its spread is broad and deep

Numbing the pain of wakefulness
Into a walking sleep

The circulation quickens.
Unhinged doors swing free
Expecting that which never was
And what will never be

Ignorance and freedom
by natural decree
may occupy an orchard
but not a healthy tree

The Reluctant Twitterer: A Manifesto

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on September 25, 2009 by Tudor Rickards


The identity of the Reluctant Twitterer remains a closely guarded secret. This, despite various claims based on faulty logic. Do not assume as fact that which has not been put to the test. It is the case, for example, that RT has been given blogging space on Word Press sharing a dashboard with posts about leadership . There has never been any claim, however, that co-location should lead to the presumption of shared identity.

The Reluctant Twitterer site defines itself through its posts, examining the contemporary world, and alerting readers to present and current dangers to the planet and its inhabitants. However, it should be evident that to operate without attracting the attention on undesirable forces, anonymity is necessary. Consequently, RT has from time to time laid down clues which may be there to mislead rather than enlighten.

The mission of the Reluctant Twitter calls for collaboration by like-minded individuals. In that respect we welcome support from anyone who has been intrigued, worried, or inspired by the writing. Such support will be directly or indirectly acknowledged, as it helps shape future posts, and as the ideas of The Reluctant Twitterer become more widely known and acted upon.

Already, such support has been offered from as far afield as Moscow and Macclesfield; Boston Mass, and Boston Lincs; Woodstock and Woodford; Upminster and Upsalla: Dhaka and Delhi. Of particular interest are communications which seem utterly unconnected with serious global issues: children’s stories about ants, snails, bees, and horses. These communications may carry with them hidden messages which other readers may uncover.

Are you ready to support the cause of world peace, and oppose all efforts that threaten the imposition of tyrannical regimes from wherever source they emerge? If so, join the ranks of supporters of the Reluctant Twitter. Opposed by the creativity of the people, dictators will not prevail.


Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on September 18, 2009 by Tudor Rickards

Martian fighting-machine

London calling
then silenced

Black smoke
Weed oozing from cylinders
A crazed cleric
cries Armageddon

At the weighbridge
grappling with fighting machines
The Thunder Child is breached
beneath us

All is fury and clamour


the lull beyond birdsong

Silence again
beyond the smoking

once green lands
now in the hands
of Ozymandias
as we head for Woking